Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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