My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
