so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
