...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Boobs are out for the taking
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
