i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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