we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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