Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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