dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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