At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
