i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
