Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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