Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
