their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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