At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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