you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
