margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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