I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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