well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
