But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
