either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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