Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
