I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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