it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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