Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
