I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
