Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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