is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
