You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
