Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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