I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize