So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
