HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize