I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
