Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
