yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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