Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
