The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
