I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
