8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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