I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
