i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
