I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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