dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
