i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
