Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize