Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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