She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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