You just made me feel so damn special
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
