So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
