Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
