I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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