i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
