i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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