i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
