Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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