are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
