I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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