there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
