i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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