hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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