Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
nutella sex= disaster
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
