Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
