I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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