I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
