I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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