On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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