he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize