Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
