Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
