You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
