i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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