made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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