Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
PANTIES FOUND
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