My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
