Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
