"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize