The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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